Breast cancer was my lemon. My life and not allowing the little things to bring me down is my lemonade.

In Fall of 2010, at age 42, I went to my scheduled mammogram appointment. The technician said there were three tiny spots in my left breast but they didn’t look like anything. They said to schedule a follow up mammogram in 6 months.

In January 2011, one night I happened to brush my arm against the side of my left breast and I felt a lump. I rubbed it and it was hard. I kind of panicked as I’ve never had anything like that before. I of course did what many people do, I tried to self-diagnose myself on WebMD and read about masses online. I was so worried and nervous that I kept putting off going to the doctor. I kept telling myself it was nothing and maybe it would go away.

By the time my scheduled follow-up mammogram in early 2011, the lump had grown in size pretty quickly. This time I had a mammogram and an ultrasound. The technician was pretty rough with the wand during the ultrasound. I have a high tolerance for pain, but I was almost in tears. After inconclusive results from this imaging center, I decided to find a different center within my medical group. I was lucky to find one close to my work.

After having yet another mammogram and ultrasound, the radiologist brought be into a small room and blurted out “you have breast cancer”. I was shocked by her blunt delivery but also to hear the lump was cancerous. I wasn’t hearing her much after that as I was crying and trying to process this horrible news. I was by myself since no one came with me.

I left the facility and drove back to work. I sat in my car in the parking lot sobbing. I didn’t know what to do, I never expected I’d receive a cancer diagnosis and be alone when I did. I called my sister at work and told her. She tried to calm me down as I said I needed to go back to work. The rest of that day was all a blur.

The imaging center wanted me to come back for a biopsy to confirm the cancer diagnosis. I said I wanted a different doctor to do it as I refused to have that other radiologist. She was the most unsympathetic doctor I’d ever seen and her bedside manner was atrocious. In early April 2011, I went to have the biopsy done on a Friday. I remember all too well because I had to miss qualifying day for a race event called Formula Drift, which was my favorite thing to do as I had gone to since 2005 and never missed it until that day.

My angel of a sister came with me to my biopsy appointment. It was a very traumatic procedure because I’ve never had anything like that done before. She cut 3 small incisions in my left breast & also my lymph nodes to test. She was very patient, caring and explained every step of the way. It hurt, don’t let the local numbing anesthesia fool you. I was emotionally drained and scared. Bandaged up, we went home. Now to wait a week for the results. I went to the Formula Drift main race the next day and seeing my friends, and the drivers I cheer on, helped take my mind off the cancer. They don’t know how much they helped lift my spirits in that moment.

After an agonizing wait for the results, I received a call from the radiologist at home. The biopsy results confirmed the mass was cancerous. There was also a small spot they also thought had some cancerous cells. The first thing I thought was how could I get breast cancer? It didn’t run in my family. Later I learned that I had what they called triple negative breast cancer, which isn’t hormone driven. I thought maybe the birth control pills I had taken for most of my life was the cause, or maybe the environment. Who knows. Later I would be told that I could never take hormone-based birth control ever again.

I changed primary care physicians and medical groups to be with the best hospital in the area. It was a ballsy move considering I had to wait until the following month to see the doctor due to insurance rules when changing doctors. I chose to go back to my doctor that I had had for many years previously. She saw me for a consultation and I came with all my reports and diagnoses. She jumped right on it, she referred me to a surgeon and I had an appointment the following week.

My sister came with me to my appointment with the surgeon. She came with me to every single appointment after my diagnosis and I am so thankful she was there. After examining me, the surgeon pushed for me to have a mastectomy and chemo. She said the size of the mass was large. They classified me as having stage 3b breast cancer. I cried and said I didn’t want a mastectomy and I refused to have chemo. I tried to get a different surgeon but my primary doctor wouldn’t give me a referral and I went back for another appointment with the surgeon to talk with her about my choice of having a lumpectomy, followed by radiation.

Since the mass had grown in size so fast and still growing at a rapid pace, she wanted to do the surgery soon. We were looking at dates on the calendar and she picks my birthday in May of 2011. What were the odds? I burst into tears and said I didn’t want to spend my 43rd birthday having surgery for breast cancer! I asked if we could do it the following week and she said yes but we couldn’t push it off any longer.

I had a very nice birthday dinner with my family and a couple of close friends whom I told that I had breast cancer and I was going to have surgery. Up until that point I hadn’t told very many people. I had to tell a couple of people at work, since I was going to be out for the surgery and who knows how long after that. I didn’t want anyone at work to know, so I told them I was going on a “staycation” for a week.

I still had several pre-surgery tests to do. I had lost count of all the appointments. The CAT scan was not fun. No wonder I’m a dog person…ba-dum-bump.

May 19, 2011 Surgery Day. I tried to remain calm. Truthfully, I tried to put it out of my mind like it wasn’t happening to me. It was a very long day of waiting after checking into the hospital very early, dealing with paperwork and insurance. Luckily, and I’m so thankful, my work had great medical insurance coverage. It was peace-of-mind that it wasn’t going to cost me a fortune to receive the best care at the best hospital.

My sister was able to stay with me in my room until it was time for my surgery. I was lucky to have a room by myself. We had the tv on, we didn’t talk much, the view of the ocean in the distance was pretty. I was in and out of the room with pre-surgery tests.

Finally they took me down to the pre-surgery area that look like little rooms in an ER. They prepped me for surgery, answering questions for my file. I reminded my sister of my decision, do not let them do a mastectomy. She knew what my choice was and reassured me. Then they hooked me up to an IV for the anesthesia and all I remember was saying goodbye to my sister, getting wheeled on a gurney to the surgery room, talking about how it was like Grey’s Anatomy and then I was out like a light. I’m a lightweight … haha.

I was having a nice sleep when I was abruptly woken up by my surgeon shaking my shoulder to wake me up. I was on the gurney in the operating room all bundled up. The surgery was done. She said they got all of the cancer and there was no cancerous cells in my lymph nodes and that was great news! She said she was able to remove the mass and preserve my breast. I was groggy but I remember saying “Yay, thank you”. Then I fell back asleep.

I woke up to more yelling by the nurse about getting me to wake up. I was in a different recovery room. I opened my eyes and both of my sisters were there. The nurse said I couldn’t go home until I was awake from the anesthesia. My sisters later joked that the first thing I said was to get our dog off my chest because she was heavy. They laughed. It was the heavy bandaging.

My surgeon came in to let us know she got all of the cancer out and the procedure went great. My sisters thanked her for taking care of me. I was able to go home, I just needed help getting dressed and wheeled out to the car. Since I couldn’t eat all day due to the surgery, I was very hungry. Before heading home, my sister stopped by our pharmacy to fill my painkiller prescription in case I needed it. My dad had cooked a favorite comfort food dinner for me. It was great to be home.

I stayed at home for a week after my surgery. The next day my sister took me to my follow up appointment with my surgeon. My doctor said everything looked good and my cancer was still classified as stage 3b and not 4 as I had heard at one point. Now I had a decision. Chemo vs radiation. She pushed for chemo but I stuck to my guns and chose radiation.

I went back to work a week after my surgery. I didn’t really think about the cancer or surgery. I wanted to move forward and not think about it and just be normal. I couldn’t exercise or run for a month and that was tough for me as I was always active. During my recovery, I went for a short walk up the block from my house before I was supposed to and I was short of breath. But it felt so good to be outside in the sunshine.

June 2011, my sister went with me to my appointment with the radiologist at the hospital. This was unknown territory so we had many questions. He asked me one last time, chemo or radiation. I said radiation. I was scheduled for 9 weeks of radiation every day. The facility was about an hour from my work. I started in July and ended in early September 2011.

When I started my radiation appointments, I told people at work that I was going to stress therapy. I didn’t want them to know what I was going through. I was a private person and I didn’t want them talking about me. I wanted to remain as normal as possible. It was the only thing I wanted: to be normal again, as if the cancer never happened to me. It was my way of coping and getting through it.

The radiology staff was amazing. They were the best… caring, nice and personable people. They helped me get through what I felt was the most difficult time of my life. After making my foam mold of my position of my arm and after tiny tattoo dots to line me up quickly during my radiation treatments, it was a quick 5-minute scan. The only side effects I had was the darkening of the skin in the area where it received radiation and loss of energy. But drinking green juices helped with giving me energy in a natural way. I wasn’t back to exercising or running fully yet. But I walked and that helped.

Towards the end of my 9-week radiation treatment, I had a meltdown. Up until that point I never had to wait for my turn for the scan, nor did I have to wait in the ladies dressing room. But they got busier and I had to wait in the dressing room for my turn. It was hearing the women talk about their cancer and seeing women who had chemo and now radiation, who talked about how tough chemo was on them and some were bald, that hit me hard in my stomach and heart. I left crying after my appointment. I wanted to be normal. I wasn’t like them. They would stare at me with my long, dark hair and I actually felt guilty for having it. I didn’t look sick at all and that garnered even more stares. I was almost done with my treatment and I just needed to concentrate on that. I was also very tired. I scheduled with my boss to work until my appointment time and then I could go home after my appointment. Luckily I had a lot of sick and vacation time to cover my time off for surgery and all if my radiation treatments. I’m thankful for my workplace for this accommodation.

September 2011. My last day of radiation. It was bittersweet. I was so happy to not have to drive all that way anymore. But I was going to miss the wonderful staff there. They all made it a point to come see me my last day and had a mini celebration for me. That touched my heart. For 2 years after my last scan, I visited them around Christmas to see them and see how they were. I was lucky to have been taken great care of by these amazing people.

As I write this, I’m near my 3 1/2 year mark. I’m having a 3D mammogram for my upcoming appointment in December 2014. I need to make it to 5 years to be considered cancer-free. I always try to think positively about that and already consider myself cancer free. I can’t live my life any other way.

My cancer scare reminded me that life is very short and not to waste a minute of it. I’m learning to let go of the little things and people that don’t matter.

I’ve always been a private person, but I think it’s time for me to open up and share my story with other people. It will help me get my feelings out as I never really talked about the toughest time in my life and it would help me move forward.

Maybe there might be a woman out there going through the same thing and putting off going to the doctor. I would like to encourage her to go get the mammogram, which isn’t bad at all. It’s better to know than not.

I’d also like to encourage people to stick to their guns and go with what they feel is best for themselves and don’t let doctors push you into doing something you don’t want or believe in. I don’t and will never regret having a lumpectomy and radiation instead of a mastectomy and chemo. It’s my body, my choice.