Comments : 0
Bigamy was my lemon. Empowerment was my lemonade.
I had been married several times before and I thought, since this man was ten years my senior and quoted scriptures often, he was honest and trustworthy. He seemed extremely kind and intelligent as well.
We married within a year of dating and he moved into my home that I shared with my two daughters. Then came the first lie. He told me he had a vasectomy. Before I knew it, I was pregnant at forty-two years old. I felt so betrayed because my youngest child was already ten. He then lost his job as an architectural engineer. His said his contract was terminated. He became accustomed to being home while I worked ten-hour days and enjoyed staying home to keep our son. He soon created an electronic health care business. Many investors were interested however as soon as they were about to invest, they abruptly rescinded their offer. He then started creating bogus cashier’s checks for the mortgage, lying about “money coming soon,” “about to receive a six-figure job offer,” “a large cash settlement coming our way,” and the lies went on and on. He even stole my daughter’s laptop, only to return it where it mysteriously reappeared after I called the police. Once I even discovered condoms in the car that had to belong to him. He also fathered another child that he claimed he was only a Big Brother to. I accepted this for eight, long years.
I became overwhelmed with grief. What do I do? Who do I turn too? I could not take the lies anymore. I had to do something. I was worried that my son would mimic his dad’s bad habits and worse, my daughter who was still at home would eventually choose someone like him. I decided to attend a spiritual retreat where I prayed and prayed. Within days of returning home, I discovered he had another wife. They were still married! Thankfully, I was able to get my marriage annulled (after eight years of marriage).
Although bigamy was the ultimate betrayal, my lemon, I learned how to become empowered to be the best that I could be (my lemonade). I examined myself closely. I owned up to my role in the pain I was feeling. I asked myself why I ignored all the initial signs. I received therapy where I was told I was married to a sociopath. I took a break from relationships so that I could heal. I continued to better myself. I took a financial class at my church because he ruined my credit. I eventually paid off bills and saved my home from foreclosure. I now even have a college fund set up for my son. I have also written to my legislative representatives. How does bigamy happen in the U.S? Two years later, I met a great man who is my soul mate. He encouraged me to write about my story to ease my pain. I did. The book is now published which is titled, “The Little Girl Inside: Owning My Role in My Own Pain.” Readers say it has helped them re-evaluate their lives. It is a blessing to me to know that my book is helping others. I also developed a website, www.iamstillarose.com, that I hope will help others as this site has helped me.